Mission: Beat Their System, Part I

Kady and I have made pretty phenomenal travel companions in my opinion- despite the fact that our schedules can't seem to sync up (for two weeks, I was rising at 6 am and now I can't seem to drag myself out of bed before 10), we're never hungry or sleepy at the same time and she can have an hour long conversation with every English-speaking human we bump into while I completely zone out...

I had forewarned Kady in multiple emails of my intentions to be the cheapest person in the world on this trip. I had pre-apologized and everything. I had promised I wouldn't make her do anything dangerous but was more concerned with her not wanting to do anything, well, gross or dirty.
We started off in a ridiculously pristine hotel, then downgraded after several days and she had already had her street-food baptism (woman fondling the noodles she would eat with her bare dirty hands). Our first travel day had been downright decadent in a fluffy air-conditioned bus. But this comfort in itself did not bring me comfort- I was here to see things they see, taste the things they... bla bla bla...

The beach vacation portion of our trip was nearing its end as we started researching the cheapest, best, most authentic way to get to the next country- Malaysia.

In real life, you ask someone where the bus station is and they... tell you... where it is. If you have a map, they will even show you how to get there. In Thailand, where every restaurant, cafe, hotel, and souvenir shop moonlights as a travel-agency, this becomes increasingly difficult. After asking them how to get to the bus station, they ask the only question in Thailand that is more popular than "how much you pay?"...

"Where you go?"

We tell them we aren't interested in their coach tour bus or minivan. We just want to take the BUS bus- the local bus- the cheap bus.

They give us the list of all the reasons we don't want to take "that" bus but this only makes us want to take it more. After all, what are they keeping from us foreigners?

It took concerted effort to get to the actual bus station because within a hundred meter radius are at least ten more travel agencies that have done their best to look like the "official" bus station. Outside the "official" bus station are also many "official"-looking workers wearing "official"-looking vests. They scoop you up before you can get to the real counter and deliver you to the various agencies around the bus station.

Our destination had been decided: Penang, Malyasia- famous for its colonial architecture and food.

The travel agent we'd been scooped up and dropped off at against our will offered us a pick-up service from our hotel and an air-conditioned minivan ride to Penang for 600 baht. This was 50 baht cheaper than our bungalow's service.

We asked for 500 baht. She said she had already discounted it. You see, their system is flawed in that they claim to give you the "discounted" price before telling you what the real price is/was. I'm sure this works on dozens of people a day.

("How much are the DVDs?"
"8 ringit"
"Oh, can you do a discount? 6 ringit?"
"Already discount. Normal price 12"
Perhaps many people think it's their lucky day and they're getting an awesome 50% sale price. But there is NO sale price. There is no real price. There is no discount.)


I knew the mini-van option would be easy. It would pick us up at our hotel in Krabi and deliver us to our hotel in Malaysia 9-11 hours earlier. But where was the adventure, the authenticity in that?... the thought of "easy" wasn't putting a smile on my face. We were firmly told once again that the price couldn't be further reduced and this may or may not have been the first time I heard Kady utter what would become one of her new catch-phrases: "I don't believe you." (often accompanied by pointing at the person accusingly).

We looked at one another. I hated the idea but was willing to cave and take the ride because I didn't want to make Kady suffer through doing it the long cheap way. So when she turned to me and said she wanted to do it the hard way- try and beat their system- I felt like a proud parent. I beamed as we both agreed that if it was awful and we failed and ended up spending five more dollars to get there the long way, it would be ok because the other option was to always wonder. We floated out of the office holding our heads high.

We knew getting to Malaysia the way the locals would get to Malaysia would require at least one transfer, maybe more and we could therefore not beat their "time" so we had to beat their price. That would be our mission the next day.

The next morning, we went for one last jaunt around the peninsula on our scooter.

A day or two before, Kady and I had advised a "System Beater" points system: We got "points"- represented by saying "click!" in a happy, high-pitched tone accompanied by miming the act of clicking a clicker- when things went in our favor: we liked the price, we found a subway station instead of having to take a taxi, the beers were cheap cheap cheap...

To be fair, however, points could also be taken away when the system beat US. This was accompanied with a low-pitch "clonk" and a thumbs-down clicking motion with our imaginary clicker.

After saying goodbye to Krabi, we hopped on a tuktuk straight to the bus station at 60 baht a piece. *Click!* We purchased 2nd class tickets to the border town at 167 baht a piece. *Click! Click!* We would be more than halfway there and still have 373 baht to beat their system.

*Click! Click! Click!*

We were winning...